What Happens When A Primordial Gets Bored
by TheDisturbedDragon
Summary: The Juubi gets bored. So he decides to go romp through other universes. Obviously a godlike fic, a lot of OOC, and minor crossovers with a few other series (mostly in terms of beverages. Read chapter 2 to understand.) Rated M for drinking, swearing, and (later) some lemons. No Yaoi AT ALL. P.S. I DON'T OWN NARUTO OR HIGHSCHOOL DXD! THAT'S MY DISCLAIMER! IN YOUR FACE, LAWYERS!
1. Prologue

Prologue: A Bored God

The Juubi was bored. He had been alive for millennia, in the Elemental Nations, survived thousands of attempts to kill him and his mortal incarnation, and seen the supposed apocalypse. Twice.

Now, he was bored as hell. He had mastered all his powers, learned of three other paths, controlling space, time, and chakra itself, and there was nothing left. Seriously, he was about ready to destroy this world, hell, this dimension, just for kicks!

Sighing, he withdrew into his mindscape, no longer the shitty sewer it had been when he considered himself a human. Now it was an open field, sun shining, and in the distance, giant statues of each of the Bijuu. It was here that he could truly think in peace, without the feeling of the pitiful Ningen drawing on his chakra. Damn humans, they thought it was THEIR chakra. Ha! His past incarnation had given it to them with the Shinju, and it was high time he took it back!

Mind made up, he vanished from the mindscape.

He stood up from where he was sitting, on the top of the statue of the Yondaime Hokage, the face preserved by a barrier he created. "Chakra Path: Kantaku!" he said softly, feeling his chakra spread from him like a wave, covering the entire world in it's power.

Slowly he watched as all over the world the people that had taken his power for granted, lamented as it was taken back from them. Some kept it, those that were descended from his best friend, Gaara, and those descended from his Godmother, Senju Tsunade. They would be the new leaders, the beginning of a new age.

As he finished, he smiled, the first real smile since becoming the Juubi. "Goodbye, Konoha. Goodbye everybody. I won't forget you, no matter where I end up. I swear on my Nindo. Sayonara!"

With that, his Juubigan flashed, and he swung his hand down. Following it's swing, a black line appeared, widening into a swirling portal, to another realm. Where it lead was unknown, and what he'd find was questionable. But, he was a Primordial God, what was there to fear?

He stepped through the portal, appearing in a blank place. His eyes widened as he took in the occupants of said void, a truly gigantic red dragon, and a small, loli girl, both giving off about as much power as the Kyuubi.

" **Who are you, Ningen? How have you come to the Gap?"** the giant dragon growled.

His only response was laughter, the Juubi was doubled over, sides heaving.

" **ANSWER ME!"** the dragon roared, shaking the ground and sky with his words.

"Ooh, Ooh! I think I can do that too!" the Juubi said excitedly. He took a deep breath, " **NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS YOU GIGANTIC LIZARDMAN!"**

The dragon's face grew confused, or as confused as a snout can get. " **What are you?"** it asked again, " **Answer or I will destroy your s hell and cast your soul into the abyss!"**

Juubi looked at him coldly as he grew annoyed, the dragon flinching as it saw his Juubigan, and spoke, "I do not answer to a pitiful demi-titan. If you wish to fight me, come, I will grant you death. You will get nothing from me with demands."

His power flared, the full power of the Juubi No Kijin, the Ten Tailed Demon God. The void began to shake, as his power started to tear rifts in the very fabric of the universe, until the dragon shouted, " **Enough! Stop! Please!"**

The Juubi reined in his powers and smiled coldly, "Now, will you continue to be defiant, or will you work WITH me?"

The loli-girl bowed to him, "What is your name, my lord?" she asked, sweat visible on her pale skin. She had power near that of the dragon, but his power dwarfed both of them. Hell, it dwarfed the Apocalypse Dragon. She was known to be stoic, but this much power scared even Ophis, the Ouroboros Dragon.

Her rival, Great Red, bowed too, " **My apologies. I was unaware that we were in the presence of a Primordial. I had been under the impression that none were left."**

The Juubi nodded, "I understand. Who are you? What are your names, and where are we?"

"I am Ophis, the Ouroboros Dragon, and this is Great Red, my counterpart. We are in the Dimension Gap, the space between every dimension, from which we can access any dimension." Ophis said quickly, "What are your intentions, my lord?" Ophis asked.

"Maa, maa… Don't talk to me like I'm some king. As long as you don't insult me, I don't really care how you talk to me. In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't talk with such respect. I'm unused to it." the Juubi said, sweatdropping at the tone. "Anyway, I just want to go somewhere interesting. I've been bored for a while, and wanted to do something FUN. Go undercover in some world and just mess with everyone."

Both of the dragons sweatdropped at the statement. A being of infinite power, able to destroy every dimension if it so wished, wanted to go to a random realm and fuck around? The hell?

"Well…" Ophis mused, "There is one realm. It is inhabited by various supernatural beings as well as humans. If I may?" she asked, extending a hand.

The Juubi nodded, understanding what she wanted, and grabbing her hand.

A mental link formed, sending information down it instantly, downloading knowledge about the realm straight into his brain.

"Hmm…" the Juubi mused, "It seems interesting. Devils, Angels, Fallen, Yokai, and various other pantheons… I'll take it! My powers aren't very suited for dimensional travel, however. Would one of you do me a favor and open a portal?"

Ophis bowed quickly, "Yes!" She snapped, and a black rift like the one he had arrived from appeared in midair.

The Juubi smiled at her, causing her heart to fluctuate and her cheeks to heat up, "Thank you my dear Ophis-chan. Stop by at any time, I would like to get to know you two. Beings of your level are hard to find."

With that, his powers seemed to vanish, as he suppressed them down to nothing, stepping through the rift, wholly unaware of the effect he had on Ophis. Admittedly she was neither gender, but something about him, both his appearance and power, made her want to submit to him, to stay with him. ' _I'll just have to wait to see what happens… He never did tell me his name...'_

Great Red sighed, " **Looks like we will have to put our struggle over the gap on hold, hmm Ophis? Things just got much more interesting."**

"Indeed. Much Much Much more interesting…"

The Juubi emerged in a Japanese town, wearing the uniform of a schoolkid. His form was still in the early teens, maybe fourteen or so, and he rather liked the appearance. Plus, he could sense other supernatural beings at the school, Ophis had made sure to give him that information.

Smiling he walked in, entering the office without a care, his mental powers manipulating the minds of the Office staff to make them believe he was a transfer student, and to assign him to the class that the Devil was in.

As one of the office aides led him to the classroom, he smiled, ' _Things just got much more interesting…_ '

"Hello class, today we have a new Transfer Student," the teacher announced to her class. Everyone perked up at this, the boys all wishing for a girl and vice-versa.

The door opened, revealing a fourteen year old boy with spiky blond hair with red tips, whisker-like marks on his cheeks and bright blue eyes, a wide smile and aura of happiness. He bowed to the class, "Hello, my name is Uzumaki Naruto, please take good care of me!"


	2. Chapter 1: Fallen

Chapter 1: Fallen

The class was buzzing as it ended for lunch. The new student was the topic of discussion, during the FIRST class he had attended, he had practically blown everyone away with intelligence. He had answered every question asked instantly, without even looking up from where he seemed to be taking a nap. He had caught and returned the whiteboard eraser, much to the teacher's surprise, and was unfailingly polite. During lunch, he sat alone, talking politely to those that talked to him, but mostly staying away from them. He calmly deflected any questions about himself so skillfully most didn't notice the deflection, although there were a few exceptions.

"So, what's with the new guy?" Akeno asked her King, curious.

"I'm unsure. He seems to be human, and I can't detect any power from him, but he called me little devil, though claimed it was due to my hair color." Rias Gremory said, when they were in their club room. "He's obviously trained in physical combat, the way he moved proves that, and he's obviously intelligent. Plus it doesn't hurt that he resembles a cute fox."

Akeno laughed, "Fufufufufu… I might have to _play_ with him one of these days. You know, buchou, he called me "little angel," though said it was because I was "cute." I don't know whether it was luck or not…"

"Did he call any of you anything?" Rias asked her peerage, looking for more clues about this new enigma.

"He called me little knight." Kiba said, blushing, "It was embarrassing. We're older than him, why is he looking down at us?"

"He called me little dragon." Issei said, "but said that it was just because he liked me, and he liked dragons, so he grouped them. I call bullshit."

"How about you Koneko?" Rias asked her unresponsive rook, who had a fierce blush.

"...Little kitty." she muttered, "And little neko."

Rias frowned, "Either he's got more luck than someone using a pair of loaded dice, or he knows. Kiba, bring him here after school. I'm going to find out what he knows."

"Hai Buchou!" Kiba said, "And if he doesn't want to come?"

"Just bring him. However you have to. If he doesn't know anything, I'll just remove the memory. Maybe I'll make him a devil… I still have my other knight." Rias mused.

"Understood."

"Hello, Uzumaki-san? My buchou would like to speak with you." Kiba said to Naruto on his way out of school.

"Um… Alright." Naruto said, faking confusion. Time to play a few mind games.

He followed Kiba into the club building, internally facepalming that the school had a whole building for one club. How the hell did they manage that? Or was this human race just that stupid and unobservant?

As they entered the club room, he frowned. He could see the lines of energy connecting each of the devils to Rias Gremory, but also one other line leading away from there, down into the floor.

"Hello, Uzumaki-san. I had a few questions I wanted to ask you, if you don't mind." Rias said, offering him some tea. He could tell from her thoughts that it was laced with a truth serum.

He smiled benignly, taking the cup and drinking it all down. His body wasn't like a human's. The truth serum would do nothing at all.

"So, Uzumaki-san, how was your first day?" Rias asked.

"It was interesting." Naruto replied, "I didn't expect to meet anyone like you here."

She tensed subtlely, "Like me? What do you mean?"

"Oh, someone so beautiful. My mother had red hair that exact shade. My father was a blonde though, I think I got a swirl. I hope you weren't offended by calling you little devil. My friend called redheads "Beautiful devils" so I merely spoke without thinking." he rambled.

Rias relaxed, "Oh. Do you know what we are?"

"The Occult Research Club?" he faked confusion again. "I don't understand."

"Hmm. Do you believe in the supernatural?" Akeno said suddenly.

"Yes." he answered truthfully.

"Do you believe in devils? Angels? Gregori? Yokai?" she fired off quickly, "Dragons?"

"Um. Yes, yes, yes, intimately, without a doubt in that order." Naruto replied.

"Alright." Rias said, coming to a decision, "I think I'll take you then. So, Uzumaki-san, what would you say if I told you we were all devils?"

"I'd say that hell's standards have fallen if you took perv-boy over there." he quipped. Issei blushed red and was about to reply but was silenced by Rias.

"Well, we are. I am Rias Gremory, of House Gremory, one of the seventy two pillars of hell. And I want you to join my peerage." Rias confessed.

"Huh." he said softly, "Sorry, but I can't become a devil."

"The problem with that choice is that I can't let you remember about us if you choose not to join me, so you can either join or I can wipe your memories of this event." Rias said, pulling out her trump card.

"Heh… I didn't say I wouldn't become a devil, I said COULDN'T. To hell with it, I'm too impatient to play a waiting game. I know what all of you are, I know everything about you. Hell, I know you better than the other people here," Naruto said, giving up his attempts to stay hidden, "I would be honored to join your peerage, but I can't become a devil."

"Uuh…" This time it was Rias who was struck with confusion, "What do you mean better than eachother? What you mean you can't become a devil?"

"I can read minds. I know every little thing about each of you, down to your basest desires, dreams, wishes, and memories. As for the second question, guess. I'll give you a hint, I'm the last one," Naruto said enigmatically.

Everyone paled at the mind-reading idea. Well, aside from Issei, who was perving out on what he could do with the power to read minds. Currently he was stuck over reading memories of (Censored due to not wanting my story removed.).

"What do you mean the last one?" Akeno asked.

Naruto smiled. "Three guesses. I'll give you one more hint. I am infinite and unending, godly and yet a man, my wrath is legion, my friendship the best shield. The last of my kind died millenia ago, and I come from another dimension. Guesses?"

"Umm. A god?" Akeno asked.

"Nope."

"A dragon like Great Red?" Kiba asked.

"Wrong."

"..." Koneko was gaping at him, the others turning to her as they followed his gaze.

"You're right Koneko."

"What is it? What is he?" Rias asked her rook.

"...Primordial…" the nekoshou whispered softly in awe.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" Naruto laughed.

His power suddenly skyrocketed, seals appearing around the room as everyone inside vanished in a flash.

Rias and her peerage were understandably surprised when they teleported. All around them was grey stone.

"Look up." Naruto suggested softly.

They did, and gaped as they saw the earth hanging in the sky like a giant fruit ready to be picked.

"I am the Juubi no Kijin, the ten tailed demon god, the last primordial. Actually, I was originally a mortal human, but ascended due to a few demons, a demigod, a goddess, and a war. We are currently on the moon, protected by my powers. You are the first hum-devils to see the earth from here without a spacesuit." Naruto said proudly.

"..." The whole group gaped at him. A Primordial. What the hell was he doing here? Why was he on earth? Did he want to destroy them?

"I came to relieve my boredom, same answer, and no, that would ruin my fun." Naruto said suddenly, "And you need to remember, I can read minds. Akeno, I would really appreciate you stopping those thoughts about me. I'm not M."

Akeno blushed. BLUSHED. The group turned their gapes from Naruto to her, amazed that she even HAD the ability to blush.

"So, shall we return?" Naruto asked.

"...Yes…" Rias said, and in a flash they were back in the club room.

"Ah, Rias, in response to your thoughts, yes I could do that to get you out of it, but I won't. I won't take that from you. Though if you want, I could end up challenging for you." Naruto said.

"You… you'd do that for me?" Rias said, voice trembling. The upcoming engagement with Riser was on her mind all the time, and this would be a golden opportunity!

"Yes. But I have three conditions. Firstly, you don't tell anyone what I am, or why I've come, and that goes for your peerage too. Secondly, you let me fight him and his peerage alone. Oh, and finally, you get me a set of evil pieces so I can make my own version. Deal?" Naruto said, eyebrow raised.

"...DEAL!" she yelled happily.

Her peerage watched in confusion, aside from Akeno who knew of the upcoming engagement with Riser and how much she despised him.

"How long do you have?" he asked Rias.

"About a week. I was going to try to train the nun, but she's at home, and either way she's too kind to fight someone to the death. But you… Riser versus you would be like a fly versus a tiger tank." Rias laughed happily.

Naruto snorted at the imagery "More like a fly versus a Primordial. First his reputation will die, then he will."

Rias smiled and nodded, "But we need to talk to my parents first, to get them to annul the contract with the rating game."

Naruto nodded, casting his hand towards the wall, a magic circle appearing on it. "Is your peerage coming too?"

"Of course." Rias said, the whole group standing up too. The devils and the primordials all walked into the teleportation circle.

They appeared on the front lawn of Rias' mansion in the underworld. Rias strode forward, knocking on the door, which opened to show a severe-looking woman with a maid outfit.

Naruto rolled his eyes at the irony.

"Grayfia. I need to talk to my father. It's about the marriage with Riser." Rias said to her.

"Very well." the lady said, leading them inside. Naruto was actually pretty impressed with the size of the place, it was larger on the inside. Hard to do without seals…

Grayfia led them to a large room, a table at the center, made to seat many more. "Ah! Imouto!" a man said, tackling Rias and swinging her around.

"Gah! Aniki, STOP IT!" she yelled, annoyed. Her wish was answered a moment later, as Sirzechs Lucifer was pulled away from her, held up by Naruto who looked at him with disdain. "Don't touch her unless she wants you to." he said coldly, Sirzechs wincing from his iron grip.

He released the devil a second later, as Lord and Lady Gremory entered the room, followed by Grayfia.

"So, Rias, what do you want to talk about?" Lord Gremory asked, "If this is about getting out of it again…"

"No… Well, he can explain better." Rias said pointing to Naruto.

"And who are you? You aren't part of her peerage, are you?" Lady Gremory asked.

"No. What I am is of no importance. I wish to challenge Riser for your daughter's hand. I have MUCH more than the healing factor of a phoenix." he said with a smile.

"Oh?" Sirzechs asked, becoming serious, "What do you offer?"

Naruto smiled widely, before the room faded and they appeared on the moon again. "For one thing, instant teleportation, without circles. Second, the power to instantly create anything and control that, for example at the moment I am constantly creating air and sealing it around us in a bubble. Oh, and my healing factor is enough that if you stab me, I'll be healed by the time the sword comes out. Plus a few other tricks."

The lunar landscape faded, replaced by the meeting room again. Sirzechs, Lord and Lady Gremory, and Grayfia all looked at him with a cross between amazement and terror. His power was astounding, and deadly. Teleporting others instantly? He could teleport half of their body a few feet to the side, instantly killing them. Or replace their internal organs with rocks, or other such things. The creation ability would be even stronger, coupled with the teleportation. His healing factor was just the icing on the cake.

"W-well, I think, under the new circumstances, I can approve this." Lord Gremory said, wiping his forehead, "Though the Phenix clan will demand a rating game."

"Ha… Let them. I think it will be a good way to show off my power." Naruto chuckled, "I've been in this world for a while. Trust me when I say the bird-boy has no chance."

Rias snickered at his term for Riser, "No kidding."

Rias's family looked confused, but didn't as any more questions, instead starting logistics.

After an hour or so of talking, and a communications circle with the Phenix clan head, it was decided. Naruto would face Riser's peerage and the devil himself in a rating game for Rias's hand in marriage. The game would take place in a week's time, and would be held in an arena designated by the Gremory family on that day.

Naruto snickered at that, "Let me deal with the arena. Does Mars work?"

All of the Devils sweatdropped, "Um… I think so…" Rias said, "But maybe not showing off so much?"

Naruto pouted, "Fine, spoil my fun."

Sirzechs spoke up finally. For the last half hour, he had been completely silent, frowning over some problem and occasionally looking up at Naruto. "I think I've figured it out." he said suddenly, "I know what you are."

Naruto looked at him with a smirk, "You're wrong, actually. I'm not baka-dragon. Care to guess again?"

Sirzechs paled. Naruto had read his mind in a second, and Sirzechs' mental shielding was untouched. Even Great Red couldn't do that. There was only one being that they knew of beyond great red. The greatest evil in existence, Trihexa, 666. "YOU!" he yelled, firing a sphere of the "power of destruction" at the Juubi.

"Woah!" Naruto yelped as he backhanded the sphere away. "Hold it! You're wrong again!"

"Lies!" Sirzechs yelled, "How did you get unsealed? Why are you going after my sister?"

Naruto facepalmed, then looked at Rias, all the while dodging balls of energy. "Rias, can I tell him?"

She shrugged, "It's your secret."

Naruto nodded. "Baka-lucifer, stop it!" he yelled, slamming a ball back at him. "I AM NOT TRIHEXA!"

Sirzechs stopped the ball, but was obviously exhausted from using so much power. "Then *huff* what are you?"

Naruto smiled. "OY OPHIS, COME HERE PLEASE!" he yelled suddenly. A rift opened in midair, and the loli-dragon stepped out.

She bowed to Naruto and said, "You called, Juubi-sama?"

"My apologies, Ophis-chan, I needed to prove to these devils who I am, without destroying something large. You are one of the strongest beings in this multiverse, so I figured you would be the best way to convince them." Naruto said to her, bowing, "Would you like to stay and watch?"

She looked at the Gremory family, who stared at her, the Ouroboros Dragon, calling someone else "sama". To them it just was mind-blowing.

"Yes. Thank you Juubi-sama." she said. A little tiny smile played around the edges of her stoic face.

"Alright. And don't call me that anymore, my name is Naruto. Anyway, I hope this convinces you that I am NOT Trihexa." Naruto said, turning back to the awestruck devils.

"..."

"They thought you were Trihexa?" Ophis hissed, "Such disrespect! Naruto-sama is beyond that fake dragon! Baka-red, Baka-666 and I are Demi-Titans! Naruto-sama is a Primordial! He has more power than everyone in this dimension combined!"

Naruto put a calming hand on her back, "Calm down, O-chan. They didn't know what I was, and the second-strongest thing in this universe is Trihexa, as much as you want to deny it. They saw I was stronger than you and red, and jumped to the logical conclusion, don't be angry for that."

Ophis nodded as he stroked her back.

"... A primordial." Sirzechs gaped.

"Yep."

"You. A Primordial."

"Correctomundo." Naruto nodded.

"... Please excuse me, I'm going to go get wasted." Sirzechs mumbled.

"Wait for me." Lord Gremory said, following him out.

Naruto just laughed at their antics, before snapping his fingers, teleporting them back. "Here, better than that stuff."

With another snap, a line of glasses appeared on the table. "Best beer, wine, and other alcoholic beverages from all over the multiverse. From pan-galactic gargle-blasters from the personal stash of Zaphod Beeblebrox, to Chech'tluth to Flaming Moe from the very tavern it came from," he said, pointing to various shot glasses.

Rias sweat-dropped. Being an Otaku, she knew very well where those drinks came from, and although most were safe for human and devil, they would be FAR stronger than her brother expected. ' _Oh well. What's the worst that could happen?'_ she thought with a shrug, leaving to read some manga for a while

 **TWO HOURS LATER**

' _I just had to jinx it.'_ Rias thought, facepalming as she saw the state of the room. Naruto had at one point manifested a video game system, and the room was filled with various fake weapons from many different universes, all modified to shoot paintballs or other such things. Hell, there was a cannon on a tripod! The room was covered in paint, and there were two sets of video game systems. At the moment, Naruto, Ophis, Grayfia, and Sirzechs were facing Lord and Lady Gremory and her peerage in some fighting game she didn't recognize. The game characters looked exactly like each of them, and were using different powers they each had. The controllers looked like PS3 controllers, but she was sure no PS3 controller had a button for 'self destruct'. When one of their characters died in the game, the controller blew up with a shower of confetti, covering them in streamers.

"Ah, Rias! Wanna join in? You can help your parents out!" Naruto called to her.

She looked at him for a moment, ' _Ah whatever. Whatever happens, he can undo. Might as well have fun.'_

She sat down, and a beanbag appeared behind her, just like the ones the others were sitting on, a controller in her hands and headset on. A character resembling her appeared in the game, and somehow she knew how to play, probably some form of mental download. Shrugging at the thought, she started playing.

 **Two more hours later**

The room looked like a war had been fought in it. Rias hadn't taken kindly to losing, and thrown a ball of destruction at the screen. It ricochet, due to it's creator's power, nearly hitting Sirzechs, who retaliated, barely missing Akeno. Then it was on like donkey kong.

The end result was multiple holes in the walls, scorch marks, paint, various weapons from Kiba's sacred gear, animals naruto had created to fight, and of course, whips, leather strips, copper rods, manacles, and other innocent things that could be taken so wrong. Akeno had tried to restrain Naruto, only for him to read her mind and freak out, blasting her through a wall. Of course, that just made her more aroused, and it continued until everyone was exhausted. Naruto declared himself the winner, as he was the only one able to stand and NOT thoroughly humiliated.

Then again, you can't humiliate someone with absolutely no sense of shame.

With a snap of his fingers, the room blurred, fixing itself in an instant, the video games, weapons, and animals all vanishing.

"Well, that was fun!" he exclaimed. Sirzechs groaned, hand on his head, "Next time I try to drink a keg of that pan-galactic-whatever, please shoot me!"

Naruto shrugged, hand transforming into a shotgun, "Okay."

"No! Not now!"

Naruto shrugged again, "Fine. Anyway, this was a good party! Now, I think Rias, her peerage, and I have to get going. One warning, any arena we choose will end up being destroyed. I can undo it, but I don't think anyone will enjoy the feeling of being temporarily dead. It's very painful."

Sirzechs moaned again, "I'm not even going to contemplate how you know that. Just get him for trying to intimidate my sister. And if you ever hurt her, primordial or not, I will find a way to kill you."

Naruto's face became serious, "If I ever do, I'll even jump into a black hole."

Originally he had merely wanted to do this to help out Rias, but over the time at her parent's house, he had gotten to know her. She was smart, funny, an Otaku, and willing to deal with his 'Eccentricities.' He had never felt this way towards anyone. He actually WOULD carry through with his promise to Sirzechs.

"Ya know, I never liked the arranged marriage." Sirzechs said suddenly. "Rias doesn't love him, and he sees her as a trophy or brood mare. But you… When I see her look at you, she lights up. You've known her for less than a day, but she's fallen for you. HARD. And I think you've fallen for HER. Just… Take care of my little sister."

Naruto started at the statement, so like his thoughts. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were the mind reader here." he joked.

Sirzechs waved off the idea, "Not a chance! If I read the thoughts of most of my associates, I'd probably be tainted with their insanity."

Naruto laughed.

"Hey Naruto, it's time to go!" Rias called out. He stood up, beanbag vanishing. In it's place was a keg. "A present for you, this thing is filled with Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blaster, and will never be empty. BWAHAHAH."

Sirzechs moaned, shaking his fist at him, "Damn your evil addictive alcoholic beverages! I'll get you for this!"

Naruto smirked, "The hangovers it causes is countered by drinking Earl Grey tea. Have fun!"

With that, he vanished, Rias and her peerage vanishing in the other room, off to their various homes in the human world.

Grayfia later entered the room to see a sloshed Sirzechs laying on his back on the ground, mumbling about evil primordials and how his brain exploded. She promptly confiscated the keg, deeming it too dangerous for 'children and adults that can't control themselves better than children.'

* * *

Edit: RedHotMito informed me that onee-san is BIG sister, so I have changed it to Imouto. Ty bro!


	3. Chapter 2: POed primordial! Run!

**I just want to make this clear to everyone who's reading this: This may be classified as a crackfic, but I am not making it entirely mocking. It is not going to be pure randomness and "I'm just going to throw things at a wall and see what sticks." It's going to have serious parts (such as this chapter) where he gets pissed off and loses the child-like, eccentric attitude and becomes actually serious. Normally will happen only when pissed, or if he decides something needs to happen.**

 **Also, to the guest who said** "Please not more naru/rias pairing.. no.. he's a primordial, and rias only a devil her power is just like a piece of a single hair compared to naruto.."

 **I'm sorry, but I really can't see a way around it. I don't like the idea of Akeno (too much like Anko and I hate NaruAnko pairings usually), Koneko is too silent for me to get an actual read on from her personality, and I'm sure as hell not doing Asia. That leaves Rias, another devil, such as Sona, her peerage, or Grayfia, which I'm not doing mainly because while they get coverage in the anime and light novels, they aren't as detailed as Rias and I can't fully express their modified personalities (obviously it's OOC sometimes, but I try to think "what would they do if they were in** ** _this_** **situation?"). I'm not doing any of the fallen angels, after all most of the ones that AREN'T on Azazel's side have a stick up their ass to the point that they rival Sasuke. Not a rude arrogance, but an inherant superiority complex with the devils. However, I MIGHT add Gabriel the Archangel, it'll be interesting to see how well I can mesh her childish innocence with his eccentricities.**

 **I** ** _WILL_** **however be giving more people. He WILL have a harem, but most are from the Naruto-verse. A few aren't and some are entirely out of both verses, but I think it fits with the story. We can't have a godlike Naruto without his harem of busty ladies right? And it's ironic how so many of them are redheads.**

 **Yes, I probably will have Kushina in there. If you don't like it, I'm making a poll for you to choose.**

 **Harem members:**

 **Rias (definate)**

 **Kurama (fem!kurama obviously, and definate)**

 **Gabriel (maybe)**

 **Ophis (definate)**

 **Hinata (definate)**

 **Kushina (depends on you)**

 **Inari (maybe, have to see how it pans out first)**

 **You can put in a review if you want another person in there. The maybes are MY DECISION! I will NOT be giving that choice to others! As of right now I intend to do them all, but I have to see how the story plays out on paper (or screen).**

 **Inari is Kurama's mother, the japanese fox god, and god of tricksters. She'd be the last member.**

 **Alright, so that about does it. Phew, my first chapter note, it feels a lot bigger than it is!**

 **Remember, if you like it, feel free to review! If you don't, tell me what I could improve! If you intend to be an ass and say that I should stop writing, go tap dance on a land mine!**

 **~Dragon**

 **Edit: half an hour after posting this, DualStarduster informed me that Akeno was Baraquiel's daughter, not Azazel's. My bad, and TY bro :) Edited.**

* * *

Chapter 2: What Happens When You Piss Off a Primordial

Rias sighed as she sat up, sheet sliding over her ample breasts. As she did, she noticed the other source of warmth in the bed, and turned to see a blond haired man. Naruto had taken an older form, about 20 before going to sleep, and had thrown Rias for a loop as to why an older man was sleeping in the bed of her supposedly teenage friend and soon to be engaged. She had no idea whether he knew she was there, but wouldn't be surprised.

"Mmm." she sighed, leaning against his bare chest.

His eyes flickered open, "Mmm yourself. Was that a sigh or a comment on how you want me?"

Rias blushed, "No!"

"Hmm. So you DON'T want me?" he asked, a hurt look on his face.

"No- Wait -AARGH you're so annoying!" she griped, realizing he was pranking her.

He snickered, hurt expression vanishing. "It's a gift. So, today I get to beat up Riser!"

She sweatdropped at his excitement. Over the past week, the blond Primordial had trained her peerage and her in an… _unconventional_ way. He basically pranked the hell out of them until they could avoid them. Then it grew harder. By the end of the week, all of the devils were walking on eggshells, watching for pies, kamikaze birds that exploded into bird poop, common items rigged with explosive paint traps, and many other inane objects that now scared the living daylights out of them. After they started avoiding the basic pranks, he declared their awareness training over, and started on endurance and strength. She had no idea a rubber chicken could hurt so damn much! He had literally created a living rubber chicken with a severe hatred for redheads and devils, immortal and strong enough to actually hurt Koneko with all her rook's endurance and strength.

And she wouldn't even get NEAR what he did with Akeno for her training. All Akeno would say was that he was so much more of a sadist than she was. However you want to interpret that statement.

* * *

The club room had so many tripwires and traps that it would defeat Lara Croft and Indiana Jones both.

It was a testament to his methods, however, that they improved fast enough to carry on a semi normal lifestyle. Not that they didn't occasionally trigger the traps still, but most were avoided.

Today, however, was the day he took on Riser and his peerage. He had set up an arena in the Underworld, surrounded by his strongest barriers. There were cameras inside in order to broadcast the fight, with many people interested in the blond boy that challenged a mid-rank devil.

* * *

"Ooh, I'm so excited!" Naruto babbled, "I can't wait! Do you mind if I fast-forward til it's time?"

Rias blinked at the question, "What?"

"Great!" Naruto said, not answering her question, "Five hours should do it!"

He formed a handseal, "Time Path: Flash Forward!"

Rias was stunned as the light from the window moved suddenly, denoting a change in the sun's location, a change in time.

Naruto looked at her stunned expression, "Oh come on, you've seen me create matter from nothing, make life, teleport through space, read minds, and you're surprised that I have more abilities? Remember what I am?"

Rias looked at him, deadpan, "I think time manipulation is more impressive than most of those powers, besides creating life."

Naruto cocked his head, "I guess… But it's easier to create life than move the timestream without causing rips or wrinkles. The first time I tried to, I managed to create a tear in time/space, and only reversing the time change was able to fix it. Actually, I managed to learn how to control time by sending myself into the past to talk with myself to teach me. It's a paradox, I know."

Rias just facepalmed, "I'm not going near that logic with a twenty foot stick."

Naruto made a sad face, "Muu… Rias is being mean!"

She hit him on the shoulder, "Come on, you big baby. It's time for us to go."

He nodded, standing up in all his glory. Just as he was about to be 'exposed,' Rias's sight went black, a big word floating in the blankness "CENSORED" and coming back when he had put shorts on. He also put on an orange shirt with the words, "I fought a barbequed chicken and all I got was this lousy shirt"

Rias giggled at that, before looking horrified that she had let out such a fangirl-ish giggle.

He ignored that, snapping his fingers, vanishing her sleepwear and manifesting clothes for her.

She started to get angry, but he cut her off "Rias, I'm a mind reader. I can see every moment in your life if I want, seeing a girl naked isn't a new thing for me. Now if you were to ****************************************, I might be embarrassed."

She ignored him, getting dressed quickly. He snapped his fingers, teleporting them both to the school, where the rest of her Peerage was waiting.

"Are you all ready to see me beat up a chicken?" Naruto asked.

"Just please don't kill him." Rias requested, "I don't hate him that much."

Naruto looked at her and smiled, "I won't, I promise. I plan to embarrass him, not maim him, unless he does something stupid."

She nodded, and Naruto snapped, teleporting them to Gremory Manor, and him to the arena. It was set up like a Roman coliseum, with loudspeakers. Riser and his peerage was already there, ready to fight. It didn't escape his notice that they were all busty females. 'Looks like a Phenix version of Issei's dream.' Naruto sweatdropped.

* * *

"You!" Riser yelled, "You challenged me! I'm going to show Rias why she should be MY mate! You are nothing to a Phenix!"

Naruto yawned, "Can we start the fight already?"

Grayfia's voice echoed over the speakers, "Three...Two...One… BEGIN!"

Without waiting a second, Riser's twin pawns leaped at him, chainsaws ready to cut him into three pieces. He merely sweatdropped at the lack of strategy, before stepping backwards, their saws passing through his former location, and hitting each other. The damage done was enough to disqualify them, and they were teleported out. "Lord Riser's pawns have retired!"

He took down the rest of Riser's peerage in the same insulting manner, using them to defeat each other, until only Yubelluna, Riser's queen, was left.

"Riser-sama, I don't think I can beat him." Yubelluna told her King.

Riser growled, incensed at how he had taken out all of Riser's peerage without throwing a single blow.

"Go fight him bitch! Damn, you're worthless! After I beat this dipstick, I'm going to go after Rias! She'll provide me with a worthy heir or die!" Riser growled, angered past the point of reason. If he only knew what he had just done.

Naruto's eyes narrowed as Yubelluna attacked, before bashing her aside with a backhanded slap. She hit the wall, making a hole in it and, teleporting out. "Lord Riser's Queen has left the battlefield and been disqualified!"

"Riser… I was going to do this quickly and merely damage your reputation." Naruto hissed, anger in his eyes, "But you just broke the one rule I have. If you treat people I care about like objects or toys, I have no mercy for you!"

* * *

In Heaven, Michael and Gabriel's eyes widened as they saw Naruto's stance. "Holy crap! He's going to-"

* * *

In Kami's realm, a blond, spiky-haired man, a redheaded woman, and a lavender haired woman also started to get worried as they watched the screen. "Is that…"

* * *

Rias's peerage saw the stance he was using, and Rias cursed loudly, startling her family and peerage, "Oh shit, Riser's going down! That stance is-"

* * *

"Now you can face this! Gensho No Tsume, First Stage!" Naruto roared, as a black aura covered him, "You should be honored! I haven't actually used this in a battle in this dimension! Now, take my claws! Gensho No Funkai Ken!"

He shot forward in an instant, appearing in a flash of black, burying his fist in Riser's chest. Riser seemed to move in slow motion as he coughed up blood before flying backwards, hitting the wall of the arena.

"Riser, you threatened my precious people. You will be punished. SEVERELY." Naruto roared as Riser stood up, Phenix regeneration factor healing him quickly.

Naruto took another stance, and the power around him increased "Gensho No Tsume, Second Stage!"

The aura around him coalesced into an indistinct form, vaguely resembling the Juubi. He growled, as his Juubigan (A/N: I know the name is Rinne-Sharingan, but Juubigan is what I originally called it, and I'm sticking with it!) appeared. He lashed out with one hand, the vague outline of the Juubi following his movements and smacking Riser back across the arena. He kept up the barrage, essentially playing tennis with Riser as the ball, whacking him into the air and then flashing to the other side to return it. After about a minute, Riser's blood saturated the ground of the arena, and Naruto allowed him to hit the wall.

"Riser, if you value your life you will stay down. Next time you get up and face me, I will make it the last time you stand," Naruto growled as the Juubi shadow behind him roared.

* * *

"Oh god!" Gabriel gasped, recognizing the shape from a book she had read before, "That boy isn't a devil! He's the Juubi!"

Michael spun to his sister, "What's the Juubi? Is it more powerful than one of us?"

"The Juubi is a Primordial! It left this dimension millennia ago! We thought it was gone, like the rest of the Primordials! Why has it returned? What does it want?" Gabriel said, panic in her eyes as her childlike attitude seemed to grow older, "Michael, that creature makes Great Red, Ophis, and Trihexa combined look like an ant compared to an Archangel. We can't fight it."

Michael's eyes widened, "Then we have to find some way to influence it, or ally with it! That much power in the hands of the Devils will not end well!"

* * *

Azazel watched, jaw open as he saw a being from legend. "Why has it returned?" he whispered, "Are you back to punish your creations?"

A voice spoke in his head, "No. I merely wanted to have fun. I'm bored, that's all."

Azazel whipped around, but saw nobody. "Hmm…" he said, trying to decide whether that was only his imagination. If it wasn't, they might have a problem.

He pulled out a cellphone, dialing a number, "Kokabiel? We don't see eye to eye, but you need to know this…"

* * *

Ophis watched with Great Red as Juubi-sama whacked around a devil, toying with him. Admittedly, they could do the same thing, but he was showing a level of control that they didn't possess. They would have just blasted him into oblivion, but Juubi-sama was merely punishing him, leaving him alive.

She had to admit, it made her feel hot.

* * *

"Holy crap!" the redhead yelped in excitement, "See Minato? Our son is so powerful! He inherited my power and increased it!"

"He also got your temper…" Minato muttered.

"What was that?" Kushina asked, hair splitting into nine parts, "Care to repeat it?"

"N-no…" Minato muttered.

Hinata looked at him, "Whipped."

* * *

Back in the arena, Riser was attempting to stand up still. "No! No! I will not be defeated by a low class beast like you! You are nothing! You aren't worthy of her! DIE YOU BASTARD!"

He swung his flaming wings at Naruto, a last-ditch attack. The firestorm enveloped him, and Riser grinned, "I DID IT!"

"Not quite." a voice said from the flames, before they were extinguished in another flare of power, "I warned you. Now you pay. Gensho No Tsume, Final Stage!"

The blast of power that Naruto let out was incomparable to the first two blasts. The form of the Juubi behind him solidified even more, and his human form faded away, as he took the Juubi's body. "Now, Riser Phenix, regenerate from this!"

He swung his hand towards Riser, and a Rasenshuriken shot from it, striking the ground in front of him. The explosion was condensed enough to just remove a leg of his, but it was the second effect that mattered. Once he saw Riser's leg was gone, the Juubi vanished, replaced by Naruto's human form.

"I didn't want to do that." he said, walking towards Riser, "But you threatened those I care about. No matter who does that, human, fallen, angel, devil, god, whatever it is, I will not let you off this easy!" he yelled, glaring at the camera that was recording it all. Riser groaned, his leg not regenerating.

"W-What did you do?" he gasped, "Why isn't it regenerating!"

"Concede and I'll tell you." Naruto said coldly. "I don't take pleasure in hurting you, but I will if you continue this farce."

Riser's eyes closed and he said, "I… concede."

Naruto's fearsome expression vanished, replaced by the normal smile/smirk, "Good!"

He snapped his fingers, teleporting the two of them to where Riser's parents were waiting. "Why isn't it regenerating?" Riser's mother, Lady Phenix, asked.

"That attack I used ends up destroying things on the cellular level. It's not regenerating because there's nothing TO regenerate. His body doesn't see the leg as existing, so it can't heal it." Naruto explained, sighing.

"There must be a way to heal it!" she pleaded, "Please!"

"I will heal it on one condition." Naruto said.

"What is it?"

"Riser has to make an oath using my powers to enforce it. He has to swear to not treat his peerage with such disrespect, and start treating them as equals. If he breaks the oath, I will know," Naruto said, looking at them with a cross between pity and anger in his eyes.

"I… swear." Riser said slowly, "I can't promise I'll improve immediately, but I can try."

Naruto's face lit up, anger vanishing and replaced by a smile at his actions, "Fine."

He snapped his fingers, and Riser cried out, screaming as a new leg seemed to form from air, materializing and attaching to Riser's body.

When the process ended, his leg was just as before, minus the pants leg, of course.

Lady Phenix started bowing, thanking him profusely, as Lord Phenix nodded to him, "As promised, we give up the engagement contract to Rias. Before you go, I must ask, how did you defeat Riser so easily? What are you exactly?"

Naruto smiled. "I am a Primordial."

He vanished, laughing at the stunned expression on Lord Gremory's face. The man had realized that if Naruto wanted, Riser could be a LOT worse than he was.

* * *

"This is worrying." Michael said, frowning. "The Juubi has returned to this dimension… We can't let it side with them, but fighting it is out of the question."

"You know, I don't like being referred to as "it." My name is Uzumaki Naruto." a voice said from behind him.

Michael spun around to see the very object of his thoughts looking at him. "Well then, Uzumaki Naruto, will you allow me to ask you a few questions?"

"Eh, sure. I'm actually a clone, the boss is with Rias, but sent us to each of the leaders," the clone said, shrugging.

"Um. Alright… If war broke out, what side would you be on?" Michael said, forgoing subtlety for assurance.

"None. I would take those I care about and leave this world, or if there were circumstances that made that impossible, I'd end the war, by force if necessary." Naruto said just as bluntly, "I won't side with devils or angels. I am engaged to Rias, so I am going to stay with her and protect her. Having her fight in a war is kind of counterproductive to her survival. Listen, you just don't bother me or her and her peerage, and I won't bother you, alright?"

Michael nodded slowly, "I can't speak for all of my siblings, but I myself am fine with that."

Naruto nodded sharply, before vanishing in a plume of smoke.

* * *

Another clone was talking to Azazel at the same time, "As I am saying to Michael, you leave me and those I care about alone, I leave you alone." the clone said, "I know all about the rogue factions, I will be able to tell when they are on your side or not. Agreed?"

"Agreed. Maybe later we might be able to work together, for the betterment of all three factions." Azazel said, truthfully. He meant, of course, to develop sacred gears to make all three factions equal. If they all had equal weapons, no one faction could attack the others without mutual destruction. "Also, please, do me a favor. I know that the daughter of a friend of mine, Akeno, is in your new wife's peerage. Please keep an eye on her, protect her."

Naruto's clone nodded, vanishing.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" Rias yelled at the real Naruto, as he teleported into the Mansion.

"I'm sorry." he said softly, "I don't react well to people threatening my friends. I've lost too many people to take that lightly."

"Idiot!" she said, hugging him, "You almost broke your promise."

He sighed, "Yeah. I'm probably going to go away for a few days, I need to think on some things. I need to speak with some people. I've put it off for years, and I can't anymore."

Rias nodded, hugging him again as her Peerage entered the room.

"So, Buchou, you're into older men?" Akeno joked, poking fun at Naruto's true age.

He looked at her with a blank face, "You and I need to talk. I saw Azazel, and I have a few things to talk to you about."

She paled a lot, a scared look crossing her face.

"Don't get so scared!" he chided, "I'm not taking you to him or anything! I just wanna hear the story. I promised him I'd protect you, since you're in Rias's peerage."

She nodded, and Issei burst out crying, "Why does he get all the ladies! Damnit…"

Naruto's face got an evil grin, "So you want ladies? Alright!"

He looked into Issei's eyes and said clearly, "Tsukuyomi!"

* * *

Issei's world vanished, before he appeared in a field, with a red sky. Naruto stood in front of him, and he was tied to a post.

"For the next seventy two hours, you will see 'ladies'." Naruto grinned evilly, "Have fun!"

None of the others saw anything, besides Issei crumpling to the ground, muttering.

* * *

"What did you do to him? Akeno asked, curious.

"I used the Tsukuyomi. I trap him in an illusion that lasts seventy two hours in the span of a second. I control everything in there, and let him see as many ladies as he wanted," Naruto said.

"Then why does he look scared and horrified?" Kiba asked, nudging Issei with a shoe.

"I never specified what kind of ladies, right? Great grandmothers, Futanaris and shemales need love too, right?" Naruto gave an evil grin, causing all of them to shudder at the evil mental image. (A/N: Great, just writing this made me want to go hit myself and cause memory loss of those mental images!)

"I know you're the "demon god" but that was just sadistic!" Akeno said, eyes wide, "Good work!"

Naruto laughed, "I aim to please!"

Rias broke in, "Alright, Naruto's sadistic tendencies aside, when will you be back?"

"Well, I'm going to leave in about an hour, and it should be about a week. I'll leave you a guard though."

He called out, "Hey, Red! Come here please!"

A second later, another dimension portal opened, and out stepped a man in a black suit, red hair and dragon horns, along with slit eyes. He looked more like a stereotypical devil than a dragon, but c'est la vie.

"Red, I'm going somewhere and I need someone to guard them." Naruto said, pointing to Rias and her peerage, "I don't mean twenty four/seven, but just keep an eye out from the gap, please? I'll make sure to pay you back."

The man, Great Red in human form, nodded silently, stepping back into the portal.

As it vanished, Rias just gaped at Naruto.

"I've seen some potential problems soon, I just wanted to be sure!" he defended himself from her disbelieving look.

Koneko spoke up for once, "...Overkill."

And that said it all, really.

* * *

 **Well, not really. Obviously, I still have this segment! As I said, eccentric with bouts of serious badassery. And serious mental scars from the Fourth Shinobi War. Naruto doesn't let anyone he cares about die, he'd sooner die himself. That being said, he doesn't give immortality, or revive the dead for himself. That will be explained later.**

 **So, tell me what you thought! Next chapter isn't set in the DXD universe, and we get background info on just what happened to Kurama and the other Bijuu! And Naruto gets beaten up by the claws of an enraged mother! Not even the power of a Primordial can protect from that kind of righteous wrath!**

 **Lol I come back to edit it exactly 37 minutes after I publish XD**

 **Not sure whether that's good that I'm dedicated, or bad that I have people pointing out errors so fast T_T**

 **Meh.**

 **~Dragon**


	4. Chapter 3: Old Friends and New Betrayals

**Hello, guys! Dragon here! I have an announcement! Due to popular request (Polite request, might I add, I disregarded those that were rude/pushy), I removed Hinata from the harem. I was orginally going to just put her in anyway, but I got forty PMs from different people about it! That's almost half the number of people that reviewed! (Although I noticed some of you didn't review. Hint). I finally decided to bow to the majority here, but the problem was the storyline. I had originally planned on having NarutoXHinata be the primary pairing followed by the rest of the harem members (alpha female) and she had a pretty prominent part in the story, too! I had to re-plan most of the story due to this! Still, I did it!**

 **It needed some major changes though. So, I can say that from now on, this will NOT be just jokes and some small serious bits but no dark themes. I had two choices, either completely remove Hinata from the story (hard to do since I mentioned her in chapter 2), or do what I did.**

 **There WILL be some dark themes now. On the other hand, this gives me a chance to write something outside my comfort zone, and I can (hopefully) improve my writing.**

 **I know some of you will hate me for doing this to Hinata, but I did what I felt was best in the long run. Not many jokes this chapter (blatant ones at least) and the next is probably mostly reaction to this, but I will be getting a lot more jokes in chapter 5/6. Sorry to those of you who thought it was all just comedy.**

 **Without further ado, here is chapter 3!**

 **~Dragon**

* * *

Chapter 3: Old Friends and New Betrayals

After summoning Red and dealing with the "I can't believe you just got one of the most powerful beings in the universe to watch over me!" speech from Rias, he teleported out, appearing in the dimension gap with a burst of power. "Gah… I still need to refine that." he said, shaking his head. "I'm using way too much power…"

It was true. If Ophis and Great Red used their powers to create dimension portals, they were surgical lasers, precise and directed, he was a sledgehammer, smashing through the boundaries to move between the universes.

* * *

"Oh, Juubi-sama!" Ophis said, standing up quickly. She had gotten a giant television, about eight feet by ten, and was watching a replay of his fight with Riser. He didn't even want to know how it was powered or anything.

No, what he wanted to ask was, "Did they broadcast that throughout the magic-net? Gah, I still hate that name."

"Yes, Juubi-sama. The Devils wanted to show you off, most likely to the other factions and pantheons. A threat and warning, I believe," Ophis replied.

"Hmm. Well, I'll deal with that later. Ophis-chan, could you be a dear and open a portal to the realm of Inari? I will need to bring someone back from there." he asked, smiling at her.

Ophis nodded quickly, making him think of a bobblehead, before a portal opened before him. "I'll hold it open, Juubi-sama. Please, take your time!"

"Thank you, O-chan!" Naruto grinned, knowing the effect he had on her. If he was entirely honest, he was channeling pure Anko, knowing how he influenced her and taking pleasure in it.

He stepped through the portal with a wink, resulting in an involuntary blush over Ophis's cheeks.

* * *

Naruto emerged into a great forest. Trees the size of buildings were everywhere, little holes in them for dens. Inari was pictured as a pretty nature-oriented god, with a connection to the Kitsune and her realm was the 'afterlife' of most foxes.

"Demons" included.

"Hey, Lady Inari!" he called loudly, "I must speak with you!"

A gust of wind picked up, blowing dust into his eyes, causing him to blink like crazy. When it died down, a trio stood in front of her. In the front was a beautiful woman, a white dress over her pale skin. She had red hair, and orange fox ears, along with nine long tails with a tattooed pattern running down them. The second was another nine-tails, although more fox-like. She had orange fur, and looked like a fox that had learned how to stand. Honestly, she looked like one of the 'anthros' Naruto had seen online in Rias's universe. (A/N: I am a self-admitted Otherkin, and refuse to use the derogatory word most use).

The third was a blond-haired version of Inari, with no tattoos.

"Why have you come here, Primordial?!" Inari growled, lowering her center of gravity, "You are not welcome!"

Now, she looked all fierce and her guards had extended their claws, to appear scary. But, if you looked harder, her hands were shaking and fear was in her eyes. She knew that he far outclassed her, and all of the foxes she could summon.

"Lady Inari." Naruto bowed, "I did not come here to fight you. I came to ask to take one of your servants with me. Kurama."

The minute he spoke the name, Inari tensed even more, "How do you know of my daughter?" she demanded, "After that brief time in the Elemental Nations, I made sure nobody outside knew of her! She's suffered enough!"

Naruto threw back his head and laughed, a long, humor-filled laugh, "My Lady, I'm not here to HURT her! Creation knows she's had enough pain and suffering to last a lifetime! I'm an old friend of hers, from the Elemental Nations!"

She hissed at him, "There was no primordial there! If you were there, Kurama would have sensed you!"

He sighed, "Fine, I'll make you a deal. We both know you can't defeat me, so I won't suggest a fight. How about you bring Kurama out here, and let her see me. She can verify my words. Tell her the son of the fourth is here to talk to her."

Inari frowned. Something about this screamed "prank," but she really had no choice. If this primordial didn't want to go, she couldn't make him. He was offering a way to resolve this without bloodshed, and she would take it!

"Very well." Inari said slowly, "Seto, go tell Kurama that. She should be at home."

The other nine-tailed fox bowed to her, vanishing in a plume of fire. Naruto snapped, conjuring a table with cushy seats for him, Inari, and her mini-me to wait at.

It only took about five minutes to get Kurama's response. An orange streak with nine tails shot into the clearing between the trees, running across the table and tackling Naruto into a hug.

Naruto laughed as Kurama squeezed him, fur soft and warm.

"Hey, Kurama…" he said softly, "I'm sorry I didn't visit before this."

"Kurama?" Inari asked, confused, "What is this?"

Kurama disentangled her arms from Naruto, sitting down on a new chair Naruto created for her. "Well, mother… Naruto was the last host I had in the Elemental Nations."

The instant he said that, Inari lunged towards Naruto, fury in her eyes. This being was one of the ones that imprisoned her daughter! Primordial or not, he would pay!

Naruto allowed her to hit him, knocking his chair backwards and pounding him into the ground, claws slashing at him then instantly healing.

Naruto just let the whole thing happen, since it was obvious she wouldn't listen, and that she needed to get her anger out.

"Mother! **STOP!** " Kurama yelled, trying to pry her off of him, "Naruto wasn't like the others!"

Naruto sat up as Inari slowly got off him. "Please let me talk before attacking me."

Inari glared at him, anger still in her eyes, but held back by Kurama's arms around her. "You have three minutes. After that, if I think you've harmed my daughter, I will do everything in my power to DESTROY you!"

Naruto sighed, "Why not… Alright… So, it all started when Kurama, or as I originally knew her, the Kyuubi No Kitsune, attacked my home on the day of my birth. My father gave his life to seal her into me, to protect our home. Later I found out Kurama had been under the control of another. Anyway, I became the village pariah, and had a childhood that I wouldn't wish on anyone, even my worst enemies. I eventually grew enough to contact Kurama, and we had a weird relationship where we hated eachother yet needed eachother to survive. A long time and lot of battles later, Kurama told me her name and helped me to defeat a person attempting to become a Primordial. Kurama was absorbed, her power helping complete it, but she managed to make it so it was ME that became the primordial, not the bastard that was trying to. I became the TRUE Juubi, laid waste to everything, then managed to unseal each of the Bijuu, the name for each of the yokai that were sealed in me, and send them on to their respective afterlives or realms. Kurama was barely more than a soul and would have died if she had stayed in that realm, so she doesn't remember most of the final time, I presume. I stayed in that realm for a few millenia, before getting bored and going into the dimension gap for the first time, yadda yadda yadda, beat up a devil that was being sexist, actually Kurama, the guy was like Kiba, all "my mate, I'm alpha, blah blah blah" ya know? Anyway, after that I decided to visit a few of my friends and family, and since I knew you the longest, here I am!" he finished in a rush.

Kurama laughed at her mother's poleaxed expression. "So… you weren't the one that imprisoned her?" Inari asked cautiously.

"Sort of. I never asked to have her imprisoned, and didn't want it for a long time once I knew. But eventually, I learned how to unseal her. By then, she was bitter and wanted to destroy all the humans on the planet, so I couldn't release her. If it was you, you have a demon nobody could beat sealed in you. You can release it, but if you do it'll destroy everything and everyone you know. Would you release it?"

Inari sighed, shaking her head, ears flat against her skull. "I understand…" she sighed, "I thank you for at least protecting my daughter, even if it was indirectly. I wish she didn't have such a painful experience, though…"

Kurama cut in, "Mother, I have to admit, Naruto had a much more painful time. While controlled, I destroyed about half of the village, and killed many people. When I was sealed in Naruto, who was now an orphan, the remaining villagers thought he was me, and hurt him and tried to kill him just to hurt me. He didn't even know who his parents were or that I was in him until he was twelve. Twelve years of assassination attempts, mobs, poisonings, beatings, abuse, and other pain. My life in him was a paradise compared to that."

Inari's eyes bulged, "Surely not! No person would treat another like that!"

Naruto sighed, putting his arm around Kurama, "Sadly, they did. If you'd like, I can show you."

She gulped but nodded, wanting to know what this young man went through because of her offspring.

Naruto sighed, reaching out and touching her on the brow, "Transfer."

A minute later, she pulled away, hurling into a bush. He had given her all of his memories from his birth to when he found out about holding Kurama. Every beating, every attempt at his life, every hatred-filled glance, she saw from his perspective.

Kurama patted her on the back, "I tried to warn you…"

"Those...those MONSTERS!" Inari said angrily, wiping her face with a cloth that appeared out of thin air, "You were a kit!"

Naruto nodded sadly, "They tried to make it so I would amount to nothing, but I got the last laugh. I became the strongest being ever. Now I'm alive and they're in Yami's realm, being tortured for eternity."

Inari nodded again, "I think we've gotten a little off topic though. Kurama, Naruto wanted to ask you to go with him for a while. Do you want to?" she asked her daughter, "Normally, I wouldn't let you go with ANY boy alone, but judging from his memories, this one is special. To experience such hate yet stay so pure…"

Kurama looked at Naruto and smiled, transforming into a fox kit with nine small tails "You don't have to tell me that. It was annoying as hell, no matter what I did, I couldn't corrupt him! As for your question, I have one for you: do you even have to ask?" she said in her normal voice, jumping into Naruto's arms, then climbing to his shoulder.

"Just check in occasionally." Inari said, wiping her eyes again, "And Naruto, if something happens to her, primordial or not, I will pay you back hundredfold.

Naruto sweatdropped. ' _What is it with everyone and their threats? They know I'm beyond them, but still are willing to die to protect others… Heh. Reminds me of Sasuke and me in the Valley of the End…_ '

"Inari-sama, I protect all of my friends." he said softly.

Inari nodded, stepping back as Naruto walked towards the portal that Ophis still held open. "Bye, mother! I'll try to call your cellphone at least." Kurama said impishly as they entered the portal.

The last thing they heard from Inari was "Okay! Wait, I don't have a pho-"

* * *

Ophis was on her knees, panting as she closed the portal behind them. "S-sorry Juubi-sama… It's really hard to hold a rift that large open!"

Naruto extended his arm, lifting her to her feet, "Don't worry O-chan. I should have considered that. I'll open the next one."

Ophis blushed at the contact, and Kurama whispered into Naruto's ear "So you've already started to make your conquests, huh?"

"Yep! And I think I know a certain fox who might want to join in…" he whispered back. Ophis, concentrated on the fact that Juubi-sama was touching her, didn't hear the two.

Naruto set her down and smiled again, enjoying the blush she got in response. "Next I'm going to Kami's realm. Gotta see some old friends."

His smile was both happy and sad while he said that, happy that he would see them, but sad that they were dead in the first place. Luckily Kami's realm wasn't as "far" from their current location in the gap, and would be easier to reach.

Naruto snapped, and Kurama shivered at the aura of power he was putting off. She had seen the incomplete Juubi, it's immense power and seeming godliness, but if it was even a miniscule fraction of Naruto's power, they would have been crushed in a second. She had never felt anything like it, most auras would feel like weight or some other force on anybody that didn't have enough power to counter them. But Naruto's, his felt warm, welcoming.

It felt peaceful, yet at the same time barely restrained, waiting to crush those who drew his anger. She flushed at the feeling. If she was in human form, she no doubt would have tackled him by now, hell, even Ophis looked close to doing the same!

A portal opened, not looking like Ophis's clean cut in reality, but ragged, as if he had merely smashed a hole in the fabric of space and time. In fact, that's exactly what he did.

"O-chan, I'll be back soon, Kurama, would you like to go with Ophis or stay with me?" Kurama just put her tails around the back of his neck, snuggling into the gap between his shoulder blades and neck.

"Alright then," he chuckled, stepping towards the rift, "Just don't talk about us near my old family, that could get awkward."

Kurama snorted, "As if I'd so much as talk to the woman who kept me sealed with spikes through my limbs, or the man who summoned the fucking god of death to seal me in you."

Naruto merely smiled as they entered the portal.

* * *

Their reception was… unorthodox, to say the least. The minute they stepped through the portal, a blaze of light blinded both Naruto and Kurama. Instinctively, Naruto raised his hands to cover his eyes. Kurama had a better idea of what was happening, and cast a Kitsune Illusion over herself, vanishing from sight.

As Naruto lowered his arm, the light dying down, he froze. He had expected the gods of this realm to find him, Kami was much more powerful due to being more widely known that Inari. He HADN'T expected a hostile response, though. Instead of a delegation of angels, or this realm's approximation, he was greeted with various weapons, ranging from kunai to katanas to even a few guns. He was slightly surprised at the latter, not many pantheons moved with the times like that.

"Who are you!" one of the "angels" yelled at him angrily, "What are you doing here?"

Naruto facepalmed. "Is this S.O.P. for all the realms?" he wondered out loud, "I mean really, it's sort of stupid. If I was an enemy and actually warranted this reception, I would have made sure I would win a fight making this useless. Even lower level angels, or whatever you call yourself, should be able to sense my powers. I'm not even trying to suppress it." he ranted, "Apparently stupidity ISN'T cured by death."

His rant was interrupted by one of the angels throwing aside her weapons and running at him, tackling him. "Naruto!" she yelled.

He instinctively shifted his center of gravity, grabbing her and throwing her over his shoulder. "What the fuck?" he yelped.

* * *

The woman stood up, brushing herself off. A part of Naruto's mind wondered how she had dirt on her armor if the ground appeared to be clouds. "Naruto?" she said slowly, reaching up to her helmet. As she lifted it, Naruto's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "Holy shit!" he yelled as he realized who he had thrown to the ground.

"Language!" Kushina Uzumaki, his mother, scolded him before smiling again, "Oh Sochi, it's so great to see you in person, or soul I guess, rather than that stupid stint in your mindscape!" She latched on to Naruto's arm as he stood there, frozen in shock, "Come, come, Minato and the other Konoha shinobi were here millennia ago!"

One of the other angels turned to his neighbor and whispered, "Should we stop them?"

The man looked at him as if he was crazy, "If he's her son, that's Uzumaki Naruto! The only fucking PRIMORDIAL in existence! You can try to stop him, but I'm not!"

The first angel paled, "On second thought… I'd prefer to live."

* * *

Obliviously, Kushina was dragging Naruto on through the group, talking incessantly as Naruto still tried to reconcile the idea of seeing his mother again. Even if he had known that she would be in Kami's realm, he really didn't consider that he'd see her again. The small part of Naruto's brain not visualizing a royal blue background and the words ' _ **ERROR! FATAL EXCEPTION "WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-GOING-ON-HERE?" OCCURRED IN "BRAIN!" MUST RESTART!**_ ' was thinking ' _Does she ever stop talking? For_ _ **my**_ _sake!_ '

* * *

Invisible to everyone but Naruto, Kurama sweatdropped, ' _Even though you're a primordial, you still can't escape the curse of the overly attached family. Then again, she spent so little time with you. Yeah, she has a good reason. Unlike another mother I could name!_ "

* * *

In Inari's realm, the goddess sneezed suddenly, and absent-mindedly wiped her nose with her tail, before realizing what she was doing. "Oh, gross! Damnit, who just did that? I will get you for this indignity!"

* * *

Kurama shivered imperceptibly, before going silent.

Naruto snapped out of his mental BSOD as a foreboding feeling went down his spine. Kushina didn't feel it, obviously, and continued to pull him on into what seemed to be a re-built hidden village, obviously where the shinobi that arrived in Kami's realm stayed.

They rounded a corner, heading towards Ichiraku Ramen, which had gone from a single shop to a chain rivaling McShinobi before Naruto left the world.

The foreboding got stronger, until he saw them.

* * *

Kushina didn't know what happened. Naruto had been silent, no doubt trying to be a good son and listen to her (after all, no teenager would tune out their parents, right? Right? *winks*), but all of a sudden he had frozen, and she was unable to move him.

An instant later, she was slammed to the ground, along with every other person in the rebuilt village. Naruto was radiating power like nothing she had ever seen before, not KI but pure power, sadness, and rage. His eyes were staring at something at the stand, and before she could say a word, he cried out "WHY?" and ripped a hole in the air, before vanishing.

Slowly she got back up, before looking to where he was staring. An instant later, she understood why he had left.

At the bar, slowly recovering from Naruto's powers, were two people. Uchiha Sasuke with lipstick on his cheek, and Hyuuga Hinata.

Naruto's original wife.

* * *

 **...Boom. That just happened.**

 **Yep. I had to choose either have Hinata be a harem member or antagonist. I might have been able to do something else, but this is the most useful for later.**

 **As for her being Naruto's original wife, I made sure to not mention any romantic relationships in his past, since I was planning on it being a big reunion (before I gave in and changed it to the current plot line). Now it makes an even bigger effect as a betrayal!**

 **And for anyone who is wondering about why I made Inari, Kurama's mother, it's because I was just thinking of the idea of Inari having an even closer attachment to Kitsune than most mythology suggests. C'est la vie.  
**

 **Finally, I haven't been able to find a link to a translator/language that most authors use for Jutsu names (or their translations). I tried just translating to Romaji, and tested it with a few random jutsu that the author gave english names and japanese names to. It wasn't what they used, obviously, so I would really appreciate someone telling me how/where to translate it. Thanks!**

 **For any Otherkin reading this, I hope you spread the word to end the word that so many people use for us.**

 **Thanks!**

 **~Dragon**


	5. Chapter 4 requesttemporary authors note

**Okay, Dragon here. I know I'm not supposed to do this (put up a note as a chapter) but I need some input from my readers. I'll remove it when I post the next.**

 **So, I'm at a crossroads here, guys. I was planning on having it be a misunderstanding, but when I was writing the next chapter I found myself turning it into the start of a lemon (Since this is a harem pairing). I want to know whether you guys want me to go with the misunderstanding and have Hinata just be a minor character, or speed things up a bit and start the truly juicy part of the story, with Hinata mostly dropping out of mention besides a few references later.**

 **I'm okay with either path, I just want your input. There's a poll on my profile, please vote on which you'd prefer. I will NOT be counting reviews that you just drop here. If you truly want to have a choice, vote instead of just doing that. If you dont have an account, make one.**

 **Sorry, but I just dont want to dig through reviews to find the winner. The poll will be over on 10/25, though the request below is open as long as you want to post.  
**

 **Anyway, in other news I'm currently also working on Dragon Dice chapter 4, and I've gotten some ideas for another fic that I might post or I might not. We'll see later.**

 **And last thing, I want to ask all of you for an idea on a crossover I should do. That you CAN leave in review form, since I have no clue what I'd put in the poll. I'd be a Naruto X (whatever crossover you choose) in the crossover world. Please no MLP, Hetalia, or DXD, I really dislike MLP and Hetalia, and I'm doing a DXD right now (obviously). It can be either a no-pairing, one person, harem, whatever you choose,** _ **BUT THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO SLASH! NO YAOI AT ALL, AND NO GENDERBENDING NARUTO.**_ **Aside from that, it's your choice. Please keep it to something I can find online easily (such as manga, light novels, anime, some movies (I have netflix premium), etc) and not a giant-ass book like Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (even though the chaos Zaphod and Naruto would make together, I lost my copy a while ago and I dont wanna go pay for a new one and I'm not gonna break any copyrights and torrent it).**

 **So yeah, that's about all. I've been really busy with work and college, so I havent been updating as often. I will soon though, count on that.**

 **~Dragon**

* * *

 _ **Update - As of right now (7:29 PM, 10/25/15) the poll is CLOSED. As I said in the note, I WILL NOT count any review-votes, sorry for anyone that did, but I EXPLICITLY said I would only accept them through the poll.  
So yeah.  
Anyway, I got 91 votes for starting the lemons, and 54 for the misunderstanding.  
I only got 1 vote for "going to learn how to write," a fact that surprises and pleases me. Thanks!  
Yes, I will be starting the lemon stuff, though I HAVE NOT WRITTEN LEMONS BEFORE IN ANY OFFICIAL STORY. Therefore, when I post the chapter, I'd like it if you could please tell me what I did well, what I should improve on, yadda yadda yadda.  
Thanks!**_

 _ **Here's hoping I can finish it soon. I have already finished the lemon part, and it's above 1,600 words! Once I add in the real STORY I can post it. I am NOT turning this into something like YagamiNyguen's "The Contract" though if you see this dude, props! (For anyone that hasn't seen it, it's an extremely explicit Naruto Harem-Fic, and one of the best "lemon-sagas" I've seen on this site).**_

 _ **I intend to have story as well as lemony goodness.**_

 _ **Anyway that's the schedule for the next few days, after my english midterm I can have enough time to work on it (midterm on thursday 10/29).**_

 _ **Ciao!**_

 _ **~Dragon**_


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